40

So a couple posts back I had this awesome, exciting news that over 110 people had expressed interest in tutoring this year, and how I had prayed for at least 80 people to help, and how amazed I was at God answering that prayer.

As of this week we have 40 tutors TOTAL (approximately 20 each day) for the 40-plus kids that attend our program, leaving us again at a one-on-two situation.

I've been kind of running from this contrast of 40 and 80, running from the exuberance of thinking that my prayer had quickly and easily been answered. I haven't know what to do with the reality that we still don't have enough folks, even though I asked with "freedom and confidence" like it says in Ephesians 3. I haven't known what to do with the nagging thought, "Well, see, I didn't quite pray enough."

Tutoring goes on and we make the best of what we have. God has provided 40, and that is great news for us. But something in me is afraid to admit that I feel let down or that I got excited too soon, and the temptation is to default into a more cautious posture from now on when asking for needs to be met. To try and not get my hopes up. To be "realistic" (also known as cynical).

But I remember my systematic theology professor teaching us that to live cynically and hopelessly is to be lazy in our faith. Who hopes for what he already has? To live with hope is crazy, it is work, and it is our call as Christians, for we are never without it.

Where are the other 40? I don't know. But I am thankful for God's provision thus far and I live with the hope that He will continue to provide one way or the other.