50

So to continue with my numerical posts (See "80" and "40"), I am continuing to see God's hand at work teaching me through the tutoring ministry. A few weeks ago we only had 40 total tutors (about 20 each day), and I was leaving our time each week exhausted, drained, and unhappy. I thought that the answer was to get more tutors, but God had different plans. My unhappiness led me to talk with a pastor at my church who helped me realize that God has not gifted me in management and administration, but rather I am a visionary and a shepherd. Operating outside of my gift mix was sucking the life out of me, and he said something that gave me pause. "You've taken this ministry as far as you can take it." My first reaction was to think, "What? I can do bettter; who else could do this. If I stepped into a different role, what would I do?" But as we continued to talk, I began to realize that having someone come in to administrate would free me up to love the kids and love the tutors who are helping, and it could allow us to get to a point where more children and volunteers could get involved. I made plans to meet with a woman in our church who is an excellent administrator and business leader, and she is going to help restructure our program.

Within a week of this conversation, our tutor numbers began to go up, and we now have ove 50 (close to 60) tutors helping. Things have settled and I no longer feel overwhelmed. And I praise God that He did not give us 80 tutors right off the bat, because if He had, I most likely would not have gotten overwhelmed to the point of asking for help and seeing my limitations. He needed to show me where this program needed to grow and the ways that I couldn't get it there, and once that was accomplished, He has provided relief.

All this to say, I thought I knew what was best for the ministry and what I needed, but God has a bigger vision and a bigger plan than just survival in the right now. He is a God who builds and looks beyond what we see, and sometimes has to bring us to our knees for us to see that as well.